you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
