Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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