CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize