I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
