Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize