I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
