You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
