I'm lost and stupid without you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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