I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
