Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
