Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
COCAINE IS GR8
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
