My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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