i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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