So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
