do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
