He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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