yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I deserve this hangover.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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