she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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