Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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