sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
