There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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