i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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