Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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