Define "chronic" masturbator.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
