I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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