He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
