why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize