I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
