Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
