people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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