I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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