I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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