There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She bit a glass in half.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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