Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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