well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
