I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
