If i come over, it means nothing
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
