he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
