when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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