do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
