I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
