Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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