i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
