I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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