Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
