You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
