i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
