I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
