i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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