I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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