The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
