My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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