you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
