how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
