Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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