I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize