My underwear smells like fireworks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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