Is it because I queefed?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
