Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
