3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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