I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
