What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
