Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
