what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
