her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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