mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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