He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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