something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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