What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
