I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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