I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
