I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
