Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
