Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize