Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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