Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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