im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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