She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
