I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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