GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
