Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love you. Go after that dick
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
