so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
