yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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